Photo Credit: Chrissy Teigen/Instagram

It’s been a tough year for Chrissy Teigen having to come to terms and reckon with her social media past which overshadowed her grieving over her miscarriage last year, but she’s pushing through. She just held a memorial for her lost child, baby Jack. She described the Buddhist service on social media saying, Took me a year but finally honored his little spirit with some blessings today. Hopefully some closure in my heart will happen now.” She added, “Thank you guys for the kind words. It’s a process.” Her kids, John and her mother were all present in the pic posted for the ceremony.

Teigen refers to herself as “half Buddhist” and once went to a Buddhist temple giving 99 eggs to the gods. Her mom told E! News, “I’m a Buddhist, so I think [Jack] is with my parents, my grandparents, my dog, everyone together. They look after us, our family here,” adding, He’s “still he is with us, we take him with us everywhere. He’s around every day.”

And this was needed as it was just last month she posted saying that she hadn’t fully processed the loss writing, “I’m slightly down lately. It kind of started when I was thinking of my book caption and typed out ‘my third baby is here!!’, as in cookbook, then realized my third baby will never be here. Then I realized I threw myself into the book to not think of the real, actual third baby. I don’t really feel like I fully processed Jack and now that I don’t have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just… there, waiting to be acknowledged. I guess what I’m saying here is life is so f***ing complicated.”

She lost her pregnancy at 20 weeks on September 30th. She’s opened up about her battle with endometriosis and has said she now can’t have any more children and is looking into other options such as adoption or surrogacy. She posted a tribute to Jack this week for National Sons Day as well.